Listen to Me
by Leonine One 252
Summary: Kimahri tells the world how he feels about things. Rated for little bits of implied violence and inappropriate-ness.


This is solely Kimahri, with a few random characters in between, so if you're looking for a fic centered on the _popular_ people, too bad! Nyeh nyeh :-P

Disclaimer: I do not own Kimahri, for he is his own person. You don't own him either, Square, dammit! He's his own person! FREE KIMAHRI!!! PETA joins in ranting (People Eating Tasty Animals)

P.S.: Just what the friggin' heck is wrong with script format anyway? I write one script format story for the first time _ever_ and they delete it and lock me out for a week! And for that reason, I lost the will to write for like...two weeks! This is what the administrators do to poor, unsuspecting authors! They kill inspiration! BEWARE THE ADMINISTRATORS!!! ARGH. Hmph...This fic would sound so much better in script format...

**Listen to Me**

Kimahri walked on stage and cleared his throat. He tapped the microphone to test it. Then, like anyone with foresight, he said, "ROOOOOOOOAAAARRRRRR!!!!!! Is mic on? Good."

Consequently the audience could be seen clutching their bleeding ears in pain. Soon, however, they completely recovered because otherwise Kimahri could not tell them what he felt was very important, namely, "First want to start off by saying Kimahri _not_ related to Nanaki. Nanaki red. Kimahri blue. Nanaki has flaming tail. Kimahri not on fire, come from sacred Mt. Gagazet. Griever from eighth world direct ancestor of Ronso. He use Shockwave Pulsar, similar to Nova. Shockwave Pulsar ultimate Blue Magic spell, Nova ultimate Ronso Rage. Close enough. Griever called ultimate GF. What GF? Sounds like weird name of Leonine's friend Jeff. Man with scar on face and two belts and too small jacket tell Kimahri GF mean Guardian Forces. They Aeons from eighth world. What they have to do with Guardians? Maybe that why Ronso like summoners and guardians so much. Except ugly blondie from 1000 years ago. Ronso honorable. Ronso never lie. Tidus ugly. He have fake blonde hair, go to same evil hair salon as Ultimecia and Kuja. That bad. Kimahri not want to hear him constantly use "k" instead of "c" and wear thong. Kimahri shudder. It worse than Seymour and Kuja mixed together. Back to Griever. Griever good. Well...Griever work for evil but he not really evil. Griever cool. Griever also has baby brother in ninth world. Him name Madeen, is holy Eidolon, except not kill summoner when summoned. Him dress up as female moogle named Mog and live in little girl with purple hair and horn's dress. Make Kimahri wonder. How he fit in dress? Oh well. Some things not meant to be known, like when Lulu will admit love to Wakka."

In response to this, a very angry Lulu came and cast Waterga on Kimahri.

"Kimahri warn you. Leonine One trained Kimahri to 255 everything with max MP and HP. Kimahri learn every ability on sphere grid unlike everyone else. Kimahri am not just Blue Mage. Kimahri am also Black Mage, White Mage, Red Mage, Warrior, and Thief! Kimahri not Summoner because Kimahri no want to die from teachings of ugly black floating bug. But Kimahri stronger than you!" said a slightly irritated and dripping wet from horn to tail Kimahri. Without a word, Lulu went off into the audience to explain to Wakka what Kimahri "really" meant by "love". Of course, the damage is done and things will never be the same again. Heheheh.

"Hmm. This make Kimahri think. Kimahri not Summoner. Maybe Kimahri not Yevonite Summoner. Kimahri will go junction Griever and other GFs! Kimahri learn Eidolons from pretty gems! Yes, Kimahri do this," continued...well, Kimahri. You know that.

And then my beloved Lionhearted comes on stage, whispers something in Kimahri's ear, and walks off, to which Kimahri responds, "Kimahri just informed that there summonings in Kingdom Hearts. Kimahri told that there lion summoning in Kingdom Hearts. Ooh! Now Kimahri _must_ get summonings from Kingdom Hearts. Lions good. Much better than annoying monkeys. Speaking of annoying, thousand-year old blondie am annoying. Heheh, him decrepit old geezer. Kimahri remembered vocab word from school long time ago. Yay for Kimahri! You know what else annoying? Biran and Yenke. Biran blonde like Tidus. But at least he natural blonde. Anyway, Biran and Yenke annoying."

Well, speak of the Devil. Guess what? Biran and Yenke show up! Naturally, the taunting begins.

"Haha. Little Kimahri rant on broken-down stage. Hornless Kimahri put ugly humans to sleep!" jeered Biran. Off in the audience, everyone shouted, "Hey!"

"Hornless! Hornless!" concurred Yenke.

At this point, Kimahri was about ready to kill his two rivals, but why do it himself? Kimahri glared up at them, then smiled evilly. Guess what he said? C'mon! Guess, guess! Alright, fine. He said, "Yenke, why always with Biran? Always behind him when he show up. Kimahri suspect you two _gay_." Kimahri snickered.

Something like leaves blowing in the wind was then heard as a hoard of perverted yaoi writers snapped their heads in the Ronso's direction and started to drool. This struck what seemed to be fear in Biran's eyes. "Kimahri _idiot_! Now Biran and Yenke will have perverted fanboys and fangirls chasing after tails!"

"Oh, so now it _Biran and Yenke_ now, eh?" taunted Kimahri.

At last, the yaoi fans could not resist any longer. The yaoi writers and readers charged, and Biran and Yenke screamed and ran away. Running away from the rabid authors and readers, Yenke screamed, "Biran and Yenke will have revenge on Kimahri! Yenke _glad_ Biran broke Kimahri's horn!" Among the legion, a random perverted yaoi reader could be heard saying, "Oh, that can be _so_ misconstrued in a perverted way."

"Not gay! _NOT GAY_!!!" screamed Biran and Yenke. Kimahri just stood there, laughing. "Kimahri love smell of terrified Biran and Yenke in morning. Now...feminine villains, what with that? There Kefka, Sephiroth, Kuja, and..." Seymour appears, go figure.

"Seymour Guano," finished Kimahri, glaring.

"Guado. Get it right," responded the blue-haired villain.

"Poop man no touch Yuna. Can have Tidus."

Again, my beloved Lionhearted turned up. "Hey! What's u-oh, no. It's the guy with the plastic hair. Hey Seymour, how did you fit your hair into that dinosaur egg looking thing in the wedding scene?" he said.

"That's none of your business, you overgrown cat," said the nefarious Seymour (western villain-ish music begins to play in the background).

"I'm not a cat, you girly looking sissy!" said he, growling like a lion.

"Want kill blue haired Guano," said Kimahri.

"Come, now. You two are reasonable creatures. Just stay out of my way and let me destroy humanity," said, obviously, Seymour.

"I may be reasonable, but I'm still pissed. So if you're not careful, I just might kill you after I've severed everything that sticks out your torso," threatened Lionhearted with a glare and a deep growl. (Yay for Lionhearted!)

Deciding to utilize intelligence once more, everyone's favorite fuzzy blue Ronso said casually, "Hey Lionhearted. Kimahri heard Seymour tortures lion cubs for fun."

This triggered strong paternal instincts in Lionhearted, as he said, not so calmly, "GRAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" and charged.

Seymour, (ala some little girl) screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" and ran off stage. Of course, Lionhearted chased after him.

"**_I'LL SHOW YOU TORTURE, YOU $&!(ING &!$#& !&($#)!!! SOL IGNITED!!!!!_**" bellowed Lionhearted, now beyond negative calm (Heheh, I used math. I'm _smart_. What is a America?). And then there was a BIG boom. "Aargh!" screamed Seymour.

"Heheheh. Kimahri so bad. Hmm, Seymour not albino villain, but Yunalesca am. It fine tradition of Final Fantasy. There Sephiroth, Fujin, Ultimecia, Kuja shudder, Yunalesca, Riku, and Ansem. Ansem cool. Him not feminine like everyone else. Him have deep voice and not smile perverted creepy smile. Him masculine. Remembers something Ooh! Him having cupcake bake sale of darkness. Kimahri like cupcakes. Cupcakes tasty. Kimahri wish they less fattening, though. Yay for cupcakes!" said Kimahri and ran off stage for "Auntie Ansem's Old-Fashioned Homemade Cupcakes of Evil".

Ansem (Somewhere in his evil kitchen) said, "Where are the sprinkles of oblivion? And what happened to my icing of darkness? Let's get moving, people! Someone get more trays of heartlessness! SUBMIT!!!"

Happily eating his evil cupcakes, Kimahri mumbled in sheer pleasure, "Yum...evil." Unfortunately, he coughed and choked on something. Fortunately, he spit it out. "Hmm...it black materia."

Out of nowhere, "Hey, I was looking for that," said Sephiroth and cast Meteor. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"That fairly standard spell in eighth and ninth world," said an unimpressed Kimahri.

A very hurt, poor Sephiroth walked off stage, sulking. Then, more events! Biran and Yenke came back.

"Help! Hide Biran and Yenke, quick!" begged a desperate Biran.

"What, so Biran and Yenke can make out? No way."

"We wanna watch!" yelled the army of rabid yaoi fans.

"Eek! Biran! They back!" screamed Yenke.

"RUN!!!" yelled Biran. They ran from the stampede.

"Kimahri hate self for not having video camera. Oh well. Can record it in movie sphere later. Heheheh. Ooh. Kimahri can blackmail with yaoi with them two. Heheh. Now they no taunt Kimahri. Yay for Kimahri! Kimahri must go. Write much yaoi for later use. Bye!" said Kimahri as he ran off stage to create his ultimate weapon against Biran and Yenke.

**End**

Well...that was rather pointless. Oh well. Kimahri decided that he needed to pour out his feelings a little. Yay! Please review!


End file.
